These days, I feel often not-so-glamorous. I used to be oh-so-glamorous before I got pregnant with Sam, developed stretch marks in places I didn't know you could develop stretch marks, and had endometriosis zap my energy. Through high school and college and several years beyond, I was a wear-makeup-everyday, big but classy hair-wearing, and for-the-most-part-stylish fashionista. I think a lot of my attachment to the beautifying world of fashion accessories, hair products, and makeup was tied to insecurity about my appearance. I was always a bit heavier and curvier than most of the girls I knew, and my personality doesn't quite fit into the mainstream. Makeup, in particular, was a way that I could control what I looked like, even if I didn't fit in. It also calmed my often jangled nerves to walk into a Sephora or Ulta and look at all the beautiful little jars and boxes.
In the years after I graduated from college, I "grew out of" makeup to some extent and saved it for special occasions. I also thankfully grew out of some of my insecurities. That was good.
Fast forward to 2010 -- I am married to a handsome guy who doesn't care if I wear makeup or super cute fashion accessories, and I am MASSIVELY pregnant. In addition to loving shopping and all things glittery, I also have an undying love of food, and pregnancy gave me an excuse to eat a completely unrestricted diet. I felt like a gigantic, uncomfortable dinosaur at the end of my pregnancy. My consolation prize -- my son, if you hadn't guessed -- has been a pretty excellent blessing.
Everything else about pregnancy pretty much destroyed my body as I knew it. For me, pregnancy provided not only a dramatic transition between non-parent and parent; it also marked my transition from healthy to not-so-healthy. After Sam's birth, I suffered plantar fasciitis, achilles tendonitis, and a slipped bone in my foot related to my bones and tendons shifting about during pregnancy. The next big thing to pop up was my postpartum depression, anxiety, and OCD. I've also had two bouts of shingles and a nasty kidney infection. To top it off, my endometriosis grew and got much worse after pregnancy. Any doctor will tell you that's not supposed to happen, as pregnancy is often touted as a "cure" for endo. I'm living proof that endometriosis can and does grow after giving birth, and it's quite painful.
A lot of good has come out of the past three years. I've become a decent parent and a pretty legit adult about most things. I've battled PPD, and through tremendous effort, I've come out on the other side. I'm learning to accept now that I'll always have endometriosis, and I'm working on figuring out how to cope with it. I'm also an actual freelance writer, which I wouldn't have pushed myself to do if I hadn't experienced all of these changes.
What does this have to do with a new blog, and why abandon my old one? I haven't really abandoned A Savvy Mom, but I think I'm bothered by my own pride in calling myself "savvy," and I'm greatly embarrassed about some of my early posts touting the more "natural" way of things. My journey now is different than my journey to being a parent. Sam is still the most important thing in my life and the reason I push myself to change for the positive. But my journey is now about becoming a role model for him, and that means working on doing what I love.
Because of my illness and my mental health, part of my journey is about connecting with my body and trying to like it again. One of the ways I've begun that journey is renewing my passion for being glamorous. On my bad days, the ability to put myself together and be even slightly fabulous has helped me feel much better about myself. Since we're pretty broke, I've used money I've made writing online and selling old shit on eBay to trade out my old bras, makeup, and some of my wardrobe. And that's been really fun.
So fuck it; now I'm writing a beauty blog. Read it.
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